


Even if you get lost and it takes you a while...

by orphan_account



Series: Pinwheel [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, My First Fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-26 14:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14404197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jihoon stares at the guy who seems busy scrolling through his phone screen. He might be tapping to another song, but Jihoon is quite sure the guy is following his hums. When the guy finally puts his phone down at the chorus, eyebrows furrowing as if thinking hard, his right hand shots up with his forefinger pointing up, the guy swings his arm as if he was pointing at someone.(or Jihoon met Soonyoung for the first time and he might have liked it more than he'd like to admit.)





	1. First Meeting

Jihoon always find himself walking out of his studio at 2 AM in the morning. Hungry and tired. His team members (mostly Jeonghan) usually scolds him if they realized that he didn’t eat his dinner last night. Jihoon really didn’t do it on purpose. It just so happen that he ended up playing his incomplete song repeatedly to find out why it didn’t sound right yet. 

Jihoon walks out his building into the cold night. Inhaling the cool air, Jihoon stuffs his hands into his jacket’s pocket, stepping gingerly to the direction of a 24-hour restaurant nearby where he always had his late night (or a very early morning) meal. There are still a few cars passing by, the road is not exactly empty considering how late it is.

Jihoon yawns, pulling the hood of his jacket up to his flurry of dark hairs. He drags his sandal clad feet towards the bright restaurant’s door. The doorbell chimes, signalling the owner of a new customer.

“Welcome!” Jihoon hears the familiar greeting, “Oh! Jihoon-hyung!”

“Chan?” Jihoon looks surprised seeing the younger, “Don’t you have school in the morning?”

“It’s Saturday, hyung!” Chan rolls his eyes. “You must be locking yourself in the studio again, don’t you? You don’t even notice the days,”

“What did I do to receive a scolding from a high schooler?” Jihoon scoffs.

“Forgetting to eat and locking yourself in the studio what is,” Chan scolds. Jihoon chuckles.

“Okay, fine, kid. Now, let me eat.” Jihoon ruffles the pouting boy’s hair before turning to his usual seat only to stop when he sees someone else is already eating on the table.

“Ah!” Chan quickly leads him to another table next to the other person, “He arrived a few minutes ago. I can’t tell him that the seat is reserved for you, now, can I?” he whispers.

Jihoon only shrugs at him, “Actually, you can. You own the place,”

“My parents OWN the place,” Chan corrects wiggling his forefinger. Jihoon laughs. “The usual, hyung?” Chan pulls out a note, and as Jihoon nods, starts writing his orders. “I’ll be back with your orders!” Chan says as he serves Jihoon water.

“Yeah, thanks, Chan,” Jihoon answers as Chan turns back to the kitchen with his orders. Jihoon leans back against his chair, closing his eyes while waiting for Chan to return with his food.

His mind runs back to the song he is currently working on. He has been working on the song for a few days. He is rather stuck with how to properly write the chorus. Nothing that he’s been writing so far sounds right.

Jihoon unconsciously starts humming to the melody. Mentally going through every single note, trying again to find which part of the melody that he can tweak. Jihoon has been repeating the melody for a few times before a rhythmic taps accompanies his hums. _Okay, that sounds better, a faster drumbeat?_

Jihoon stops humming, but the tapping doesn’t cease. That’s when he realizes that the tapping was not only in his imagination. He slowly opens his eyes, turning his head to the only other customer in the restaurant. The guy who sits on his usual table.

The guy is using his phone with his right hand, while his left hand taps the table beside his empty plates. His feet also move around below the table, moving in rhythm to his tapping, as if it was dancing.

Jihoon stares at the guy who seems busy scrolling through his phone screen. He might be tapping to another song, but Jihoon is quite sure the guy is following his hums. When the guy finally puts his phone down at the chorus, eyebrows furrowing as if thinking hard, his right hand shots up with his forefinger pointing up, the guy swings his arm as if he was pointing at someone.

Looking satisfied, the guy put his arm down. He might have realized that Jihoon is no longer humming, or maybe he realized that Jihoon is watching him, the guy freeze his movement and turns his head to face Jihoon.

The guy has small eyes, which points up, making him looks like a character from a comic book. His cheeks are fluffy, his black hair is pulled back sleekly, a contrast to how the guy looks like a hamster when he throws a nervous smile to Jihoon.

“I’m sorry, did I disturb you?” he asked gingerly. Jihoon shakes his head.

“Did you dance to my hum?” Jihoon pointedly asks. The guy looks surprised at Jihoon’s bluntness. The surprised look lasts for a few seconds, before the guy laughs sheepishly, nodding at Jihoon’s words.

“I’m sorry, it sounds good, I can’t help but move my body,”

Jihoon feels his stomach flips. He is sure that his face is warming up already. He is never good with compliment, what is more when it comes from a stranger. He has been working on this song for a few days. Only his team members have heard the songs, in its incomplete form.

Jihoon coughs, hiding his embarrassment, “Thank you, I guess,”

The guy raises one eyebrow at Jihoon’s words. Jihoon mentally slaps himself. Of course, he won’t know that it is Jihoon’s song.

“Uh…”

“Hyung, here is your food,” Chan breaks the awkwardness as he arrives with Jihoon’s food. He stares at Jihoon who is currently trying to busy himself with his chopsticks, his intention to avoid the other’s eyes is apparent. Chan quickly turns his stare to the other guy.

“What did you do?” Chan quickly accuses the other guy, surprising Jihoon with how rude the younger sounds, towards a customer too.

Offended, the other guy quickly defend himself, “I didn’t do anything!” lips jutting in a pout.

“Seriously, hyung, Jihoon-hyung is probably tired, don’t bother him too much!” Chan crosses his arms in front of his chest. Jihoon tries hiding his chuckles, this kid has too many nerves to scold his hyungs.

“No, he didn’t bother me,” Jihoon intercedes before the other guy can retorts anything back. Chan still looks at the guy suspiciously while the other guy looks back at him defiantly. Jihoon chuckles at the scene.

“He actually helps me,” Jihoon smiles reassuringly to Chan. “You know him?”

“Uh? Yeah,” Chan says as he sits down on the chair across Jihoon. “You know that I take dancing class, right?” Jihoon nods.

“This is Soonyoung-hyung. He is also taking the class,” Chan says. “But, he is more like the professional dancer?”

At that, the guy, or Soonyoung, visibly blushes. “It’s not professional yet. Nice to meet you…” he offers his hand to Jihoon to shake.

“Jihoon. Nice to meet you too, um, should I call you hyung too?” Jihoon shakes Soonyoung hand.

“Um, no, uh, I think you’re older than Chan?” Soonyoung says carefully watching Jihoon. By the look of it, he is trying to guess Jihoon’s age. His eyebrows furrow, eyes scanning Jihoon's appearance up and down. Jihoon holds himself back from squirming.

“Um, I really can’t guess how old you are if you’re older than Chan,” Soonyoung gives up on guessing. “You look like you’re still in middle school,”

“Hey!” Jihoon exclaims. Chan wheezes.

“See? You’d pass as my younger brother,” Chan says as he pulls finger gun towards Jihoon. He scowls.

“I’m already 21, you know,” Jihoon grumbles.

“Oh! Then we’re the same age,” Soonyoung says excitedly. Jihoon chuckles at the other excitement.

“This is the first time I see you here,” Jihoon says. “It’s usually just me and my empty stomach during this hour.”

“Eat your jjajangmyun, hyung,” Chan interrupts as he takes the chopsticks and splits it for Jihoon before putting it back to Jihoon’s hands. Jihoon only watches him in amusement.

“I hope you don’t mind if I eat as we talk?” Jihoon raises his eyebrow at Soonyoung, “Otherwise, Chan might start calling Jeonghan, and I don’t want him to nag me at this hour,”

“Ah, yeah, sorry. You should eat. Um, I might be intruding if I stay instead, so I think I should go,” Soonyoung says, as he starts gathering his stuff. Jihoon feels his smile fall. If he is being honest, he has to admit he started enjoying the man’s company…

True. He only met Soonyoung a few minutes ago. But, Soonyoung helps him find inspiration for his song, and it means so much to him.

Noticing the change on Jihoon’s face, Chan stands up, puts his palm on Soonyoung’s shoulders before pushing the other man to sit back down.

“You’re not interrupting anything. If anything, can you watch Jihoon-hyung until he finishes his food? He usually stops eating because he overthinks about his works and left the food soggy. I need to check the kitchen,” Chan says earning a groan from Jihoon.

“Jeonghan has been rubbing off too much on you,” Jihoon says.

“Don’t let him stops eating until he finishes everything,” Chan ignores Jihoon and looks pointedly at Soonyoung before trudging back to the kitchen.

Soonyoung mumbles an okay before turning to face an embarrassed Jihoon.

“This is so embarrassing. Being babied by a high school kid,” Jihoon hides his face on his hands. Soonyoung barks a laugh.

“He did that because he cares for you,” Soonyoung says.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s still embarrassing, it looked like I couldn’t take care of myself,” Jihoon complains. Soonyoung gives another chuckle before moving his stuff to sit in front of Jihoon.

“I have to watch you properly, or Chan will kick my ass,” Soonyoung says as Jihoon raises a questioning eyebrow, earning him an exasperated groan from Jihoon. He starts stuffing his mouth with the food, giving Soonyoung a look as he chew his food, before making a show of swallowing it.

“There! I’m eating!” Jihoon points his chopsticks to the laughing man. After a few more mouthful of jjajangmyun, Jihoon voices his question again.

“Back to my question, why haven’t I seen you around?” Jihoon asks.

“Because maybe this is my first time eating here?” Soonyoung answers, tilting his head. “Last night was my recital. I stayed in the studio trying to fix my choreography before the next recital later tonight,”

Jihoon slurps another mouthful of jjajangmyun, signalling Soonyoung to continue.

“Before I knew it, it was already 2 AM, and I was hungry. I remembered Chan said his parents’ restaurant was nearby, so here I am,” Soonyoung shrugs. Jihoon swallows his food before saying,

“So you are a professional dancer after all,”

Soonyoung blushes. “Not that kind of professional dancer, but, yeah I dance, pretty much,”

Jihoon nods.

Cleaning up the last piece of his food, Jihoon looks up to the staring guy in front of him, slowly munching his food when suddenly he tenses. Soonyoung has raised his hand and then wipes the corner of his lips. Jihoon looks at the guy incredulously. He pretends he doesn’t feel his heart skips a few beats. Soonyoung chuckles, “You really look like you need to be taken care of,”

Jihoon blushes hard. “I’m not!” he says defiantly. “God, what’s with these people trying to baby me when I’m completely capable of doing it myself?” Jihoon huffs only earns a few more amused chuckles from Soonyoung.

While Jihoon is busy fuming, Soonyoung has poured another cup of water to Jihoon’s empty glass. Jihoon stops his fuming only to look at the smiling guy. These people really should stop babying him. Now, even a stranger babies him.

Begrudgingly, Jihoon gulps down the water.

“Whoa, easy there!” Soonyoung motions Jihoon to slow down as he slams the glass back to the table. Jihoon is huffing. He really didn’t mean to get annoyed, but he is annoyed.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to baby you,” Soonyoung looks apologetic, which makes Jihoon, feels bad. Soonyoung has helped Jihoon with his song, and now Jihoon is being rude just because the guy is taking care of him.

“No, it’s… my bad,” Jihoon slows his breath down. “It kinda makes me feel bad because it seems like I’m burdening people around me. I’m sorry,”

Soonyoung gives him a soft smile, “You’re not burdening anyone. They must have been doing it because they want to,”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Jihoon’s returns his smile. “Thanks again,”

“Oh, about that,” Soonyoung suddenly looks like he remembers something. “Why thanks? You also said I helped you which I don’t remember doing anything for you?”

Jihoon stammers. “Ah, that, um…”

“Hyung!” Chan bursts out of the kitchen holding his phone surprising the both of them. Chan thrusts his phone to Jihoon’s ears.

“…HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT HE HAS A PHONE FOR A PURPOSE!” Instantly Jihoon pushes the phone away.

“Boo,” Jihoon sighed.

“LEE JIHOON! HOW DARE YOU SIGHED AT ME! I’M DYING HERE BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED!” Jihoon grimaces at the loud voice.

“Can you like shut up? You are so fucking loud,” Jihoon speaks over Seungkwan who still rambles on the other side. “I forget I was charging my phone.”

“YEAH FORGET THAT AND KILL US SLOWLY!” Seungkwan still screams at him.

Jihoon chuckles. “You’re so dramatic, Boo,” he says, while standing up. “Yeah, I’m going back now. I’m just at Chan’s place. Geez, calm down.” Jihoon adds as Seungkwan lectures him about the importance of mobile phone.

“Okay, okay, I hear you. Let me return Chan’s phone. I’ll be there in a sec, Boo,” Jihoon says as he tap the end call button and return the phone to Chan.

“I can see why Seungkwan-hyung is mad,” Chan says.

“Oh no, don’t you start too.” Jihoon gives the youngest a look. “I got to go,” finally looking at Soonyoung, who wears an unreadable expression. Jihoon shrugs it off.

“Nice to meet you, Soonyoung,” he offers him a hand. Soonyoung gingerly shakes it.

“I’ll see you around,” Soonyoung smiles.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Jihoon answers. Maybe it’s only Jihoon’s imagination, but he somehow can see Soonyoung’s face gets brighter.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually write and never finish it. Hahaha. I still need to re-read and fix some things along the way. But, I will do my best.
> 
> English is not my first language, so please bear with my awful grammar and limited vocabularies.
> 
> Also, I write this just because I miss writing. Please pardon the lack of plot and progression.
> 
> To those who spent their time reading this. Thank you very much.


	2. Adore U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon meets Soonyoung again, this time introducing him to his friends. Soonyoung also learns that Jihoon compose that song!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point onward, the title will be SEVENTEEN's song title :) I really love their songs <3 Thank you for those who reads and leaving me kudos and comment, I don't know that it will make me this happy to know someone is reading my work!

His song is a success. After he returned to his studio that night, he quickly pulled on his headphone and finished the song in an hour. Seungkwan was busy lecturing him as he worked, but he cheered along when Jihoon shouted, “DONE!”

“Finally, hyung!” Seungkwan looked like he almost cry. “We should celebrate!”

“No. Let me sleep,” Jihoon said pushing the whining boy out of his studio. Locking the door, Jihoon laid down on his couch, pulling the blanket up to his chin, he finally got the sleep he needed for the whole week.

***

He is glad that the song got so many loves from the listeners. Jeonghan squeals by how many likes they have gotten so far after only a week of the release. He decided (without Jihoon even got any chance to say no) to have a celebratory dinner in Chan’s parents’ restaurant.

Jihoon arrives at the restaurant only to find Jeonghan is not only inviting his team members, but also Seungcheol and Vernon.

“…who legitimately has the right to be here since they help with the rap parts.” Jeonghan says.

“I didn’t even say anything,” Jihoon looks at the older, feigning hurt. Jeonghan just strolls to their table ignoring Jihoon. He rolls his eyes, following the older.

“Hey, baby,” Jeonghan kisses Seungcheol’s cheek as he sits down besides the grinning guy.

“Hey to you too, angel,” Seungcheol returns the greeting wrapping his arm around Jeonghan’s waist. Jeonghan giggles.

“You’re gross,” Seokmin throws a napkin at the couples.

“You’re just jealous.” Jeonghan leers.

“We have ordered. Do you want anything else?” Jisoo asks, as Jihoon peeks over the menu.

“No, I think it’s fine,” Jihoon says, settling down beside Vernon. “Hi, Vernon.”

“Hi, hyung.” Vernon greets back. “I heard the song on the way here. I can’t believe how many people jam to that.” He says excitedly. Jihoon chuckles.

“That’s because of your rap too, you know.” Vernon looks abashed at Jihoon’s words.

“But your song is amazing from the beginning,” Vernon says.

Jihoon can’t help but think back to what finally had inspired him to finish the song. The dinner he had on this very seat with a small-eyed man, who looks like a hamster, and laughs so brightly. Jihoon doesn’t have the chance to talk to Chan about the guy. He wants to properly thank the guy for his help, whether he intended to do that or not.

Suddenly, the song comes up on the radio, which causes his table to cheer loudly. He feels his face warms up because of his friends’ obnoxiousness. Chan’s father comes out from the kitchen, bringing them their food. A louder cheer welcomes him as he puts down the dishes.

“Chan said that Jihoon made this song and it is why you’re celebrating today,” He said looking at Jihoon proudly. Jihoon feels his heart warming with his words.

“Thank you, uncle.” Jihoon says as the man ruffles his hair affectionately.

“Enjoy the food, Chan is still in his dance class, he should be back soon, though.” He says before throwing another fond smile towards their group and returns to the kitchen.

At his words, there is a very small part in Jihoon’s heart that begins to hope.

“Hyuuuung,” Seungkwan slides down beside his him. He gives him a suggestive look.

“That’s disgusting, your boyfriend is right over here,” Jihoon points his thumb to where Vernon is on his right.

“Riiiight, which is why let’s switch seat?” Seungkwan flutters his eyelashes. Vernon barks a laugh beside him.

“No!” Jihoon curtly says. Seungkwan pouts.

“Hyuuung,” he whines, starting to latch onto his left arm.

“No!” Jihoon pokes Seungkwan’s arms with his spoon. “I have enough of Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s gross PDA, I don’t need yours too!”

“I agree!” Seokmin chimes in. Jisoo nods his head too as he flips the meats on the grill.

“Heey!” Seungcheol exclaims feeling offended.

“I haven’t seen him for a week, let me snuggle to him for a few minutes!” Jihoon makes a gagging sound.

“Still no.” Jihoon picks a cooked meat and shoves it to Seungkwan’s mouth. Seungkwan manages to chew the meat before continuing his whining shaking Jihoon’s left arm giving him the most cute face. His boyfriend coos beside Jihoon.

“HYUUNG!” their noisy talks hyped up as they see Chan arrives to their table. Jeonghan quickly jumps up his boyfriends lap to hug the youngest.

“Chan! My baby!” Jeonghan wraps his arms to the unwilling high schooler.

“Ugh, Jeonghan-hyung! I’m not a baby!”

Jihoon scoffs. “That’s what you get when you baby me.”

“But, you’re my baby too!” Jeonghan reaches out to ruffles his hair. Jihoon growls. Jeonghan only sticks his tongue out.

“Uhm…” a tentative hum breaks their conversation as a mop of black hair pops out behind Chan. “Chan, I’ll just sit back there,”

Jihoon’s ears perk up at that voice. He quickly turns his head to meet with the guy he thought about just a few minutes ago.

“Soonyoung!” Jihoon exclaims smiling widely. Soonyoung meets his eyes, and he returns the smile as wide.

“Oh, Jihoon, hi,”

“You know him?” Seungkwan perks up still clinging to Jihoon’s arms.

“Ah, yeah, we met that night when you blasted my ears off because I forgot to bring my phone,”

His friends’ eyes brightens up. “Oooh, the ‘Soonyoung’?” they all choruses. Jihoon tries not to smack each of their teasing smiles.

“Come on, introduces us!” Seokmin says excitedly. Jihoon looks back at Soonyoung who mirrors his nervousness.

“Soonyoung, these are my friends. Um…” Jihoon looks around his friends eager faces, wondering whom he should introduce first, earning him an eye roll from Jeonghan.

“Jihoon, you’re suck,” Jeonghan the closest to Soonyoung offers his hand. “Jeonghan,”

Soonyoung shakes his hand, smiling brightly, “Soonyoung,”

“Seungcheol,” Seungcheol stands up from his seat to shake Soonyoung’s hand.

“Jisoo, or you can call me Joshua,”

“Hi, I’m Seokmin!” after Jisoo, Seokmin offers his hand. Soonyoung shakes them one by one.

“I’m Hansol.” Vernon smiles at the older. “You can call me Vernon too.”

“Hi, Vernon.”

“...and I’m Seungkwan! Jihoon-hyung’s favorite dongsaeng!” Seungkwan says hugging Jihoon, still trying to make Jihoon switches place with him.

“Ugh, Boo, stop being so clingy!” Jihoon pushes Seungkwan away. “Bear it for another 2 hours!” he gives Seungkwan a smirk before Seungkwan finally sulks to Seokmin’s side.

“Join us, Soonyoung,” Jihoon says to the standing male. Soonyoung has that unreadable expression again on his face. However, he quickly smiles and agrees to the offers.

“If you don’t mind me joining your party, I will gladly intrude.” Jeonghan scoots closer to Seungcheol to allow Soonyoung sits beside him in front of Jihoon.

“I’ll be back after dropping this upstairs!” Chan says patting his bag before going to the back, presumably upstairs where he lives with his parents.

“So, what’s the occasion?” Soonyoung asks as Jeonghan starts passing the cooked meat to their plates.

“Ah, I think you haven’t been able to talk about it?” Jisoo answers.

“Chan said that you met only briefly that night, after all.” Vernon continues.

“But, Jihoon here hasn’t failed to mention you every time we talked about the song.” Seungcheol adds.

“Shut up, Cheol!” Jihoon throws him a glare, which loses its effect by the pretty blush marring his cheeks.

“Um, what song are we talking about?” Soonyoung asks, confused by the reference.

“This song!” Seokmin has played the song from his phone for them. Jihoon fights the urge to hide himself below the table.

Soonyoung listens to the song attentively before realization dawns on him. “Ah, this song!” he looks at Jihoon with amazement. There are sparkles in Soonyoung’s eyes that makes Jihoon’s heart flutters.

“I was trying to find the song you were humming. But, I couldn’t find it anywhere. Then, last week I heard this being played on the radio and learned that it was only released then? Are you perhaps…?”

“...the composer of the song? He sure is!” Seungkwan pats Jihoon’s back proudly. Soonyoung is beaming at him from across the table. Saying Jihoon is embarrassed is an understatement. He is feeling so much more than embarrassment.

His face is red. He can feel his cheek warming with his friends’ praises. Moreover, Soonyoung hasn’t stopped beaming at him while nodding and agreeing to each of his friends’ compliment.

“When I first heard Jihoon, I can’t help but imagine myself dancing to the song.” Soonyoung says, looking at Jihoon with a fond smile. “Now, I can actually dance to it. Is it okay if I make a cover dance with the song?”

“Of course it’s okay. You help me finished it. You can do whatever you want with it.” Jihoon says, feeling giddy at how bright Soonyoung’s face light up.

 

_So what I mean is, I want to know all of you_

_I’ll sing you, U Hoo, I’ll sing you, U Hoo_

_Even if my lips are dry, I need to say this baby_

_I adore you, I adore you, enough to get dizzy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics translation © colorcodedlyrics :)


	3. Habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, Jihoon and Soonyoung agreed to meet every evening for dinner. In the end, Jihoon realized he might have felt something for Soonyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for those who spent their time reading and leaving kudos <3

Their group met often after that. Either to have a simple dinner, or just to hang out. Jihoon also met Jun, Wonwoo, Minghao, and Mingyu, Soonyoung’s closest friends.

Jun and Minghao are attending the same dance class as Soonyoung, while Wonwoo was his classmate in college. Mingyu is Wonwoo’s boyfriend. Surprisingly, Mingyu and Wonwoo have known Seungcheol and Vernon for a while since they have a common hobby as rappers.

Tonight, Jihoon ends up staying late in his studio again. He was working on a song. However, unlike the last time, his inspiration flows just fine and he felt like finishing the song as soon as possible and ended up clocking out at 2 in the morning.

Jihoon drops by Chan’s parents’ restaurant to have his late night snacks. Chan is not around since it is a school day. Jihoon wishes it wasn’t, since he is somehow craving for a company.

He fishes his phone out of his jacket pocket. Scrolling through the news site, reading headlines that might catch his attention. But, all the headlines are about politician drama and entertainment gossips. Jihoon scowls.

“You have such a resting bitch face, no wonder people is scared to approach you.” Jihoon looks up to the voice. Soonyoung drops his training bag on the chair next to him and sits down in front of Jihoon.

“Well, good evening to you too, Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon answers icily. Soonyoung smirks at him. Jihoon can see the beads of drying sweats on Soonyoung’s forehead. The latter is checking out the menu before calling the waiter to order his food.

“So, having an overtime?” Soonyoung asks returning his attention to the small man in front of him. Jihoon shrugs his shoulders.

“Not really an overtime. I kinda have an inspiring night, and ended up finishing a work that supposed to be submitted in a week in a day.”

“Good for you, then. What kind of song is it this time?”

“Just a jingle for a CF.” Jihoon says folding his arms on top of the table, slowly leaning against the table, using his arms as a leverage. “What about you? Rough night?”

Soonyoung sighs, slumping against the table. His right arm spreads along the table, fingers almost touching Jihoon’s elbow. Soonyoung rests the right side of his face on his left arm, tilting his head so he can still see Jihoon’s face.

“Yeah, my showcase is in a month. I have to finish the choreography before the next Saturday and I still don’t know what I’m doing half of the time,”

“Hmm, that sounds tough,” Jihoon sympathize. Soonyoung huffs another sigh.

“It seems like I have to work late for the whole week and I’m not excited for it at all.”

Jihoon scoffs. Soonyoung might whine about it right now. But, Jihoon knows how much the other is actually waiting for this showcase. He has heard from Soonyoung himself and his friends, how much Soonyoung has worked to have a chance performing on this showcase.

Soonyoung is almost as bad as he is in terms of working. He heard Chan scolding Soonyoung almost as much as he scolds Jihoon. Mingyu, one of Soonyoung’s friends also emphasized his point about how Soonyoung always forget to eat when it was near his recital because the guy just couldn’t stop practicing.

“You say this now, let’s see who forgets that he has friends in the upcoming weeks.”

Soonyoung grimaces. “You obviously got poisoned by Mingyu and Chan. Do I need to remind you that you just did the same thing last week? I have to charge Jeonghan for whining to me about the fact that you didn’t touch your meal until we forced you out of your studio. I still got the scar you know.”

Jihoon felt his face fell. Last week, Jihoon got his emotional break down since he felt like couldn’t finished his song by the deadline. Jihoon had refused food and locked himself in his studio.

Jeonghan, Jisoo, Seungkwan, and Seokmin had come by one by one to try to get him out if his studio or at the minimum eating his meal properly. Even Seungcheol and Vernon too. When his friends finally whined to Soonyoung, Jihoon had had enough of his friends meddling that he snapped. He had thrown his glass to the floor in fury. Pieces of glass splattered everywhere by how hard Jihoon had thrown it.

Jihoon was still huffing in fury, his friends looking thoroughly shocked at his explosion, when he saw a strike of red on Soonyoung’s backhand. Jihoon’s eyes widen at the sight. Drops of blood had started pooling at the edge of the scratch.

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon had only started to reach out to the taller, but Soonyoung closed the distance between them first, cupping his face with the scratched hand.

“Are you hurt?” Soonyoung had asked. Fingers slowly exploring each patch of Jihoon’s exposed skin. Eyes looking down with worry.

“Soonyoung…” Jihoon stopped Soonyoung’s roaming fingers, looking as hurt and as guilty as it was possible to feel. Soonyoung looked even more panicked, he took Jihoon’s hand, looking for injury.

“Where did it hurt?” Soonyoung asked, looking back at Jihoon’s eyes. “Tell me! We need to clean it if the glass hurt you,”

“Goddamnit, Kwon Soonyoung,” Jihoon whispered slowly. He was the one who got hurt, but he still fussed over Jihoon. How much an asshole did Soonyoung had to make Jihoon?

He took Soonyoung’s hands to his. Thumbs circling the skin slowly. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” Jihoon had said before Soonyoung finally looked down to his hand. A small oh was heard from Soonyoung’s lips. And Jihoon could feel his heart almost burst with guilt.

“You have that look again,” Soonyoung pulls him back to the present. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was just a scratch!”

Soonyoung sits up and shows Jihoon the back of his hand. “I lied to you, see? There’s no scar!”

Jihoon looks down. “Still, I shouldn’t have exploded to any of you. I feel really bad about it. I wished I could control my temper better.”

Jihoon tenses as he feels a pair of hands grab his own. Looking up, he finds Soonyoung looking at him with a kind smile. “You know that none of us resents you for anything. It is a very human of you to explode at that kind of pressure. It should have been us who should think of a better way to persuade you. Let’s forget about it, okay? You don’t have to feel bad.”

Jihoon can feel his heart warming at Soonyoung’s words. His friends have repeatedly ensure him that they don’t mind his sudden outburst. They understand what he had been going through. They also admitted that they were being pushy.

But, hearing it from Soonyoung’s mouth feels different. Soonyoung is not his colleagues. He only knew him a few months ago. The chances that he saw Jihoon in his worst was much less compared to his friends. In addition to that, he hurt Soonyoung. The thought of having another person hurt because of his action weighted heavily on Jihoon’s mind.

Soonyoung sighs, “If it makes you feel better, will you join me for dinner every night until my showcase?” Jihoon raises his eyebrow at Soonyoung’s sudden offer.

“Well, you feel bad about hurting me, to show that you’re sorry, you can accompany me for dinner. That will also ensure I will have at least one proper meal until my showcase. It’s a win-win situation, don’t you think?”

Jihoon chuckles at Soonyoung’s reasoning. The other beames at him from across the table.

“Okay, fine. Let’s do that.” Jihoon answers, earning him a wide grin from Soonyoung.

***

They meet every day for dinner after that. Usually with Soonyoung arrives at the diner out of breath, hair sticking to his forehead, and lips spilling out apology because he can’t keep track of the time when he was practicing.

“You sure you still want to do this?” Jihoon asks as Soonyoung smooths his hair back in an attempt to look at least presentable. Jihoon pretends it doesn’t affect him in the slightest.

“Of course! You promised! Don’t back out on me!” Soonyoung threatens him.

Jihoon chuckles, “If you say so,” he can feel his stomach flutters with butterflies at the older’s words.

They continue their arrangement to meet for dinner. Jihoon starts to look forward to the evening when he will meet the other. Soonyoung has become a part of his daily life that Jihoon finds getting more precious each day.

One week before the showcase, Jihoon is waiting for Soonyoung on their usual table. He is probably going to be late again since Chan texted him earlier that there is some problem with their costume delivery.

Jihoon doesn’t mind waiting. He knows Soonyoung is busy and is probably under more pressure now that the showcase is around the corner. He is just glad that Soonyoung even made an effort to have dinner with him to make him feel better.

Jihoon has ordered their usual dinner. Tapping his fingers on the table, Jihoon doesn’t realize someone else is beside when a pair of arms circle his shoulder in a tight embrace. Jihoon whips his head quickly.

“Oh, Seungkwan,” he can hear the disappointment in his own voice, and he is sure Seungkwan can hear it too by the way the younger smirks at him.

“Ooh, are you that disappointed that I’m not Soonyoung-hyung?” Seungkwan teases him. Jihoon can feel himself blush.

“Shut up, Seungkwan!” he tries to pry the younger’s arms from his shoulder.

“Oh god, you’re so cute!” Seungkwan only hugs him tighter and nuzzles his cheek to Jihoon’s shoulder. Jihoon pushes Seungkwan away futilely.

“Jihoon, sorry I got caught up—“ Soonyoung stops in front of their table, surprised to see that Jihoon is not alone.

“Oh, Soonyoung-hyung! I’m glad you’re finally here!” Seungkwan greets Soonyoung happily, earning a displeased groan from Jihoon. “I’m only here for takeaway. I need to be going.”

“Oh, yeah, I see.” Soonyoung slowly sits down on his usual seat.

“Bye, hyung!” Seungkwan nuzzles Jihoon cheeks for the last time before throwing him a cheeky grin. “See you later in the studio!”

“Go away, Boo!” Jihoon shoos him. Seungkwan only gives him a flying kiss, waving to Soonyoung and disappear to the street.

“Hey, sorry about that.” Jihoon greets the other. Soonyoung waves his hand dismissively.

“Have you ordered?”

“Yeah, the usual, right?” Soonyoung nods. They talks about what they did today. Jihoon asks Soonyoung about the costume. He says the deliveryman got the address mixed up and ended up delivering the costume two blocks away. They found it though, the recipient was kind enough to bring it to their studio just an hour ago.

When their food arrives, they starts eating in silence, which is quite unusual since Soonyoung usually always has something to talk about. Jihoon watches the other eats his food, seemingly deep in thought.

Once the food devoured, Jihoon finally breaks the silence, “You okay?”

Soonyoung looks up to him. Maybe it was only Jihoon’s imagination but he thought he saw something conflicting behind Soonyoung’s eyes. Soonyoung quickly replaces it with a smile though.

“Yeah, just tired.” Soonyoung says, easing up on his chair. Jihoon lets the other breathe down. He looks worn out. After a few minutes of silence, Soonyoung voice his thoughts out.

“I was thinking, if you don’t mind, can we stop meeting for dinner?” Soonyoung asks. Jihoon feels himself stops breathing. His mind trying to process what the other has said. Soonyoung wants to stop?

“I mean, it’s getting difficult for me to sneak out since the showcase is only one week away.” Soonyoung adds. “I don’t want to make you wait too long for me every night,”

“I don’t mind, though.” Jihoon unconsciously says.

“Ah…” Soonyoung is smiling softly towards him. Jihoon somehow feels his heart clenched at the sight. “But, I mind. I barely make it today. I don’t want to cancel on the last minute after making you wait.”

Jihoon understands Soonyoung concerns, but he still can feel his disappointment at their cancelled dinner. He tries to put his smile up, showing Soonyoung that he understands.

“Okay, just let me know if you want to grab a bite sometimes.”

Soonyoung gives him a sad smile, before exclaiming, “Okay! Let’s get psych up! It’s my treat this time!”

Jihoon chuckles at Soonyoung’s outburst. “I still have to practice for a few more hours today.” Soonyoung groans. Jihoon pats his hands gingerly.

“You’ll be fine, you’ll do great.”

***

Jihoon barely slept last night. The thought of not meeting Soonyoung anymore over dinner keeps spinning on his mind. He never realized how much those dinners have been a part of his daily life in the last few weeks. Jihoon understands Soonyoung’s reasoning, but his guts telling him that there is something else.

He will miss seeing Soonyoung’s face in the evening. Though tired and sweaty, Soonyoung always put his best smiles whenever he met Jihoon. The former always listened to each and every rant Jihoon had for the day. Fond smiles never ceased on his face when Jihoon described funny episodes or complained about Seokmin’s being too loud when he warmed up his voice. Frowns would be evident in Soonyoung’s face when Jihoon talked about how hard that day was. Jihoon would assured the other that he was fine, smoothing the creases between his eyebrows to stop the older from frowning.

The older too would rant to him about what he did that day. How he almost missed his deadline to complete his choreography, how the others teased him whenever he had to run for their dinner (Jihoon couldn’t help himself but blushed at the story), how excited he was that the showcase is getting closer.

They talked so much in the span of the two hours they spent for dinner. About every little thing, about every single thing. And Jihoon is getting greedy to know about Soonyoung even more.

Jihoon sighs. It is 10 AM in the morning and he has a project waiting for him in the studio. He enters the building, greets the security guy a good morning, before heading up to his studio.

When he reaches his floor, Jihoon takes a look around the floor to see that he is alone. Nobody arrives yet. Pulling out the key of the studio out of his jeans pocket, Jihoon realizes a cup of coffee hanging out on the door handle. A note is sticked on the side of the cup. Jihoon pulls the note out and a smile blooms on his face.

_“Good morning!_

_Passed by the cafe and the devil tempted me to buy the blackest coffee available._

_Hope by the time you arrive it’s still edible (cold black coffee is gross)”_

A clock pointing at 10:10 is drawn at the bottom of the note, giving Jihoon a hint of who dropped the coffee. Once he settled down inside his studio, Jihoon pulls his phone out and send him a message.

To: Soonyoung

_Thanks for the coffee. I need it. Still piping hot, by the way._

 

The reply comes not a few minutes later.

 

From: Soonyoung

_You’re welcome! of course it’s still hot. It’s warmed by Kwon Fire’s charm!_

 

Jihoon chuckles as he reads the message. Jihoon can get use to this, he decides.

***

On the day of the showcase, Jihoon has dressed up in his best attire. A white buttoned-up shirt paired up with a black ripped jeans and his best sneakers. Jihoon smooths his bang down, it is getting too long, but he doesn’t feel like cutting it yet.

He sits between Jeonghan and Seungkwan. Jisoo and Seokmin sits on Jeonghan other sides. Seungcheol and Vernon couldn’t make it since they have a performance planned already tonight.

“It’s a bummer that Vernon couldn’t make it.” Seungkwan has pouted beside him. “We could go on a date after this.”

“Yeah, I miss Seungcheol too.” Jeonghan adds. Jihoon groans.

“Why am I sitting between you two? I’ll probably have to listen to your whines about missing your boyfriends the whole night.”

“You whined to us so much when you couldn’t see Soonyoung last week, though. This is only a small price!” Jeonghan reminds him. Jihoon huffs embarrassed.

“Shut up! I didn’t whine.” He says indignantly.

“Yeah, right. Say that to my time listening to your rant about how you wanted to text him but you’re afraid you’d disturb him since he might be busy practicing.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. Jihoon fights the blush threatening to blossom on his cheeks.

“It’s only one time!” Jihoon hisses at the younger.

“Oh there’s also—“

“Guys, it’s about to start.” Jisoo calmly cuts off their bickering as the lights dimming out in the auditorium. The three of them straighten up their sitting position to watch the performance.

To say that he is amazed by the performance was an understatement. Jihoon can see how much effort was put in this performance. It starts with a solo performance by Chan (which earns him an ear splitting cheers from their seats). Chan is wearing a white button up, black slacks, and a pair of black dress shoes. He is dancing to some snippets of Michael Jackson song, followed by a duet by Minghao and Jun who dances with their hands connected with a string. The performance is mesmerizing.

When finally it comes to the performance that Jihoon has been waiting for, Jihoon is practically sitting on the edge of his seat. His palms are clammy by how nervous he is to see Soonyoung performs for the first time.

Soonyoung enters the stage wearing a black button up and a tight jeans. Hair pulled back just like the way Jihoon first met him. He looks at the audience with a confident glare. When their eyes met, Jihoon can feel his breath hitched. Soonyoung smirks, confidence oozing out of him as he moves to the music. Sharp moves and complex choreography follows Soonyoung performance. At some point, more dancers join the stage but Jihoon’s eyes only follow Soonyoung.

It might have been an eternity, it might have been only 30 minutes, but when Jihoon finally comes back to his sense, the auditorium has exploded with loud cheers and claps. His ears are deafened with the amount of compliments shouted by the people around him to the performers. Jihoon’s eyes are still locked to the guy standing in the middle of the stage, looking out of breath, but the smile on his face is the most beautiful smile Jihoon has seen adorning the older face.

As the performers bow down to the audience. People starts clambering out of their seats, but Jihoon is still sitting there too dumbfounded to move. His mind keeps replaying the performance that he just watch. He knows that Soonyoung is attractive. Very. But when he dance, Jihoon saw a full other persona he has never seen.

“Hyung? You okay?” Seungkwan asks, as Jihoon doesn’t seem to be moving at all. The people around them has streamed to get out of the auditorium.

Jihoon realizes that he has been clutching on his arms rest. Heart races furiously. The pit of his stomach burns, making his heart beats even more furiously.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Jihoon slowly says.

“Really? Do you feel like throwing up? You looked flushed though.” Jeonghan starts fussing up on him.

“My heart hurts, hyung. I think I’m having a heart attack.” At that, Jeonghan stops all his movement. Then he smacks Jihoon arm.

“God, you scared me!”

Jihoon flinches. “What was that for?”

“I can’t believe I got to witness the day Jihoon-hyung said his heart hurts.” Seokmin says with amused smile.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jihoon scowls trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Aww, now you’re embarrassed! So cute!” Seungkwan throws his arms around Jihoon. Nuzzling his head against Jihoon’s hair. Jihoon pushes him away to no avail.

“Oh, Soonyoung!” Jisoo finally notices the guy standing a few feet away from them. Soonyoung gives them a sheepish smile as he approaches them.

“Thank you for coming, guys! It means so much to me.” Soonyoung says.

“You looks amazing, hyung! I was probably gaping like a fish the whole time!” Seokmin says excitedly.

“He did.” Jisoo chuckles. “The others are amazing too!”

“Thanks,” Soonyoung says, still grinning sheepishly.

“Where’s Chan? I want to squeeze my baby because he deserves more loving from me!” Jeonghan excitedly asks Soonyoung.

“Ah, he’s probably with his parents. I saw them backstage.”

Jeonghan eyes light up before he drags the three of them to the backstage, leaving Jihoon standing awkwardly with Soonyoung. After a few minutes of silence, Jihoon looks up, finding the other is watching him already. Jihoon feels his cheek heats up.

“You looked amazing. I can’t keep my eyes of off the stage for the whole performance.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you can come.” Soonyoung says gratefully.

“It’s nothing. We have the time, so of course we would like to support you.” Jihoon smiles at him reassuringly. Soonyoung returns his smile two fold. Jihoon watches the later’s face scrunched up, his eyes disappears behind those plump cheeks. Beads of sweat drips down his temple. He looks tired, but he also looks content.

He didn’t know what come over him, before he realizes it, he blurts out, “I miss you.” Jihoon hears his heart thumping loudly on his ears as the words slips from his lips. He feels like running away already.

Soonyoung’s smile falls. His smile turns pained. Jihoon feels his heart break at the sight.

“You’re so unfair, Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung whispers. His smile drops each second. Jihoon can feel his own face mirrors the other.

“I—“ Soonyoung clears his throat, “I get an offer to study abroad.” He starts. “I’ll be leaving in a few days.”

Jihoon feels his world shatters. Soonyoung will be leaving in a few days? Why Jihoon never learns about this? “Why did you never tell me?” Jihoon voices his question. Soonyoung looks anywhere but him.

“I never thought that I would get an offer, I never thought it was worth to be brought up,” Soonyoung said. _I am not worthy enough to hear about this?_

“I’m happy for you, you deserve the chance,” Jihoon says genuinely despite the stabs he feels on his heart. Soonyoung looks up to him, eyes searching for Jihoon’s, and when they lock eyes, Soonyoung seems to struggle to find more words.

“We—I—“ Soonyoung breathes to steady himself. “I can’t, Jihoon,” he says in a painful tone. Jihoon wants to wipe that frown from Soonyoung’s face, but all he can do is to clench his fist tighter. After taking another breath, with a determined face, Soonyoung looks into Jihoon’s eyes, “I also think it will be best if we keep our distance,”

_What?_ “I realize you’ve been a big part of my life in the last few months. I don’t know what I would do if I stay by your side and have to endure the thought that we can only be friends.”

_So, you think leaving me is the best answer?_ “I’m sorry Jihoon. Thank you for all this time. Thank you for being a great friend. I don’t know what I would do if I never met you.”

Jihoon still can’t find any words to say to the other back. He just stands there, looking at Soonyoung with a blank face. A few minutes passed by without any of them says anything.

“Ji..” Soonyoung takes a step towards him, and Jihoon feels his body moves back in reflex. Pain flashes on Soonyoung’s face. Jihoon feels numb from how overwhelming all these feelings are.

Before he breaks down, Jihoon decides what his mind has been saying to him since he said he missed Soonyoung. He turns his back and run.

***

A month has passed. Soonyoung texted him a few times after that night, saying he was sorry for breaking the news so suddenly. He was hoping if they still can meet for the last time before he went away. But Jihoon didn’t reply to any of it.

Jihoon spent all his days locked up in his studio. Working on a few too many projects to get his mind off things. His friends were worried but they couldn’t say a thing because this time, Jihoon is resting and eating properly. It’s just whenever he was awake, he drowns himself on works, not caring about a single thing around him.

The day Soonyoung went away, Chan dropped by his studio for his takeout. The younger had asked him, “He will be going today. Don’t you want to see him?”

Jihoon hadn’t answered him that day. Opting to push the other out of his studio instead with the excuse that he has too much work to do. Chan just sighed at his stubbornness before going away with slumped shoulders.

Jihoon misses him. So much. But, Jihoon can’t bear the thought of the other going away, disregarding his feeling by putting a distance between them. Jihoon doesn’t want to weep. Jihoon doesn’t want to admit how Kwon Soonyoung has broken his heart to pieces.

_I want to tell you that I want to see you_

_Now that you’re gone_

_The habit_

_Of calling you_

_I live, unable to erase it_

_Because of you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics translation © colorcodedlyrics :)


	4. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon walks down the familiar road to a familiar restaurant on the same day he met him. Jihoon has tried to resist the temptation by saying this is stupid and useless.

_Now I know you’re not there_

_It hurts so much to know that_

_It’s hard even to say I’m ok_

_I don’t want to_

_Just thinking of you_

_Hurts so much_

 

A year passed in a blink of an eye. Jihoon walks down the familiar road to a familiar restaurant on the same day he met him. Jihoon has tried to resist the temptation by saying this is stupid and useless. But, he ended up coming there every week just to sit down on their table.

Jihoon won’t lie he didn’t miss the other. After he went away, Soonyoung never once contacted him again. As much as he wanted to curse him, Jihoon realizes he is also to blame. He was the one refusing to reply to his message.

Jihoon puts his phone down. Hand reaching a bottle of soju between all the empty bottles he has downed tonight. Pouring down another glass of soju, Jihoon’s eyes scans the opened message on his lit phone.

 

From: Soonyoung

_can we talk? i swear this is the last time._

 

Jihoon downed his drink in one gulp. It was the day Soonyoung departed for his study.

“What if I don’t want it to be the last time, idiot?” Jihoon whispers, clutching his head as he feels the room spins around him.

“Jihoon-hyung?” a voice makes him looks up. Chan looks down to him with concerned eyes.

“Chan?” Jihoon mumbles. “I thought you’re in the dorm!”

Chan smiles at him. The younger was accepted in university and has been living in a dorm since early this year. He sits down in front of Jihoon, looking in distaste at how many bottles Jihoon has drunk.

“It’s the weekend. About time I visit my parents.” Chan says cleaning up the empty bottles since Jihoon is already half awake and nearly crashed the bottles off the table.

“Good boy,” Jihoon says. “I miss you, Chan.”

“You’re drunk, hyung!” Chan grabs Jihoon’s body as he staggers to get up.

“I miss hanging out with you, guys. I miss Jeonghan, I miss Jisoo, I miss Seokmin, heck I even miss Seungkwan.” Jihoon rambles.

“I miss you too, hyung.” Chan says fondly. Jihoon is emotional when he is drunk. “Let’s get you upstairs. You can lay there until you sober up.”

Chan tries to haul Jihoon up, but the older clutches against his shirt. Chan grabs his phone from the table. Without meaning to snoop around, Chan sees the opened message on Jihoon’s phone.

“...I—“ Jihoon chokes up, face hidden on Chan’s chest, “I miss him, Chan!” Jihoon’s body is shaking on his arms. He can feel the warm tears drips down his shirt. For the first time, Jihoon finally let himself weep. Letting out all the pain he feels after a year of lying to himself that he was ok.

He isn’t. He still feels his chest torn every time he thinks about a certain small eyes man. Chan can only pats his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter. I'm sorry. :(  
> Thank you again for those who reads and leaving kudos *hugs*
> 
> Lyrics translation © colorcodedlyrics :)


	5. Say Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love you I love you  
> I’m always waiting for you like this  
> Tell me to just stay

Seungkwan and Seokmin just left to get a drink in the middle of their recording. They are currently recording a song. A song that has been sitting on Jihoon’s computer since Soonyoung left.

He doesn’t know what gets into him to make Seungkwan and Seokmin sing this song. The two was worrying about their final project for their vocal class, Jihoon ended up pulling this song out of his folder for the two to sing.

Once he made a song, Jihoon usually never sing it again after he finished with the guide. It was the same with this song. He sang the guide only once before hiding the song on one of his rarely opened folder.

But, today, he had been hearing Seungkwan and Seokmin sang the song repeatedly. Jihoon couldn’t help all the memories surfacing on his mind. Rubbing his eyes in frustration, Jihoon slumps against his keyboard.

His fingers dance on top of the keyboard’s keys before purposefully pressing down. Clear notes echo in the empty studios. Body swaying along with the melody, Jihoon fails to notice Seungkwan and Seokmin has returned to studio. They both stare at each other hearing the familiar tunes.

Jihoon is so lost in playing his keyboard, he doesn’t even realized Seungkwan has pulled his phone out and recorded him.

However, the both of them shared a worried look when Jihoon starts singing, “ _I want to see you. I wanted to see you so much_ ,”

His voice slightly cracks by how much feelings he puts into his singing. Seokmin is about to approach the older when Seungkwan grabs his arm, shaking his head as Jihoon enters the chorus.

 

“ _You say You say_

_This song_

_That you used to sing with me_

_When you’re alone at night I stay_

_I love you I love you_

_I’m always waiting for you like this_

_Tell me to just stay_

_You, Say Yes_ ”

 

He misses Soonyoung. Sober and fully awake, Jihoon has admitted to himself that he misses Soonyoung. He doesn’t have alcohol in his system to blame for this emotional state. But, he misses Soonyoung. Jihoon feels his tears drips down his cheeks as he blinks.

“Hyung…” Jihoon quickly wipes his tears away. Taking a deep breath before turning around to face Seungkwan and Seokmin’s worried face.

“You’re done? Let’s continue,” Jihoon says as he starts putting on his headphone.

“Hyung, let’s take a break?” Seokmin holds his wrist.

“I’m fin—“

“You’re not, hyung. You never were, in the past year.” Seungkwan looks at him sadly.

***

Jihoon hates to admit that Seungkwan and Seokmin is right. He is not okay. He never were. His unresolved parting with Soonyoung has always been on his mind. His mind keeps spinning with what ifs. What if he didn’t run away? What if he agreed to meet Soonyoung for the last time? What if Jihoon never said he missed Soonyoung that night on his showcase?

“Jihoon-ah, come on sit here, we have chocolate ice cream,” Jeonghan pats the couch beside him, signalling the younger to sit down. Jihoon obediently sits beside his hyung.

“Now, let’s talk? We’re sorry for putting off this for too long. We need to know what happened that night on the showcase so we can help you,” Jeonghan carefully caress Jihoon’s hair.

Jihoon sighs. He is grateful that his friends didn’t pry him to tell his story. They have been curious about what happened between Jihoon and Soonyoung, and it seems like Soonyoung also hasn’t said anything to anyone. But, they keep quiet because they know that Jihoon will tell them when he’s comfortable.

However, even after a year, he is still stubbornly lying to himself and his friends. This time they won’t let Jihoon go.

“I—“ Jihoon starts, choking on his words, “I’m not fine.”

Jeonghan coos, comforting Jihoon in his arms. So, Jihoon starts spilling the events from the moment Soonyoung suddenly cancelled their dinner dates. He had thought that Soonyoung’s decision had been out of nowhere even though it was understandable considering his hectic schedules for the showcase, but Jihoon dismissed it since he still dropped him coffee in the morning and replied to his messages. Thinking that they were fine.

Then, on the showcase, Jihoon had blurted that he missed Soonyoung before Soonyoung said he had to go abroad and they had better keep their distance since Soonyoung couldn’t be friends with him this way.

When he finished telling his story, they have ended up in a group hug, all of them giving him a sad smile. “I think he don’t want to be friends because I said I missed him.” Jihoon says.

“Jihoon,” Jisoo starts slowly. “Did you like him?”

Jihoon blinks at his question. Of course, he did…

“I mean, romantically?” Jisoo clarifies as he watches Jihoon’s confused face. Jihoon looks at the other, did he like Soonyoung romantically? He looks back at the song they haven’t finished recording. When he wrote the lyrics, Jihoon never thought that the lyrics were his own feeling. He just wrote what he thought fitting for the melody.

On the other hand, he wrote the melody with all his heart. Each note, each beat, each melody shows his broken heart that has been longing for another heart. He might never realize it before, but the lyrics too had been showing what his heart was truly feeling.

“I love him, hyung.” Jihoon says painfully clear now about the pain stabbing his heart. Jeonghan quickly pulls him in another embrace. Jihoon sobs. He loved Soonyoung. He still does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics translation © colorcodedlyrics


	6. Don't Listen in Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But after time passes, will I be able to forget everything?

_But after time passes_

_Will I be able to forget everything?_

_If you look back_

_I’ll listen to this song_

_Don’t listen in secret_

_Even if this song becomes inaudible_

_This song that I made for you_

_Don’t listen in secret_

 

“Hyung, just come to my parents’ restaurant, okay?” Chan says through the phone as Jihoon groans with the sudden invitation. “It’s my birthday, I want to celebrate it with you, too,”

He can practically hears the pout Chan’s sporting. “Okay, I’m going now. Just let me clean up. I haven’t showered since last night,”

Chan gags at his words, “Hyung! Why are you so gross! Take a shower! I won’t let you come in if you don’t properly wash your hair and change your clothes!”

“I thought you want me to come,” Jihoon teases him.

“Yes! But not looking like a homeless man!”

“Alright, alright. I’ll be there in an hour tops,” Jihoon moves his feet over the edge of his bed, slowly sitting up as Chan cheers to his agreement.

“Love you, hyung!” the younger chimes before cutting off the call. Jihoon shakes his head at his antics. Jihoon puts the phone on his bedside table. He stands up, passing the full body mirror beside his dresser. He stares at his reflection on the mirror. He looks like a homeless man.

His chin is full with dark stubbles. Hair a mess from how much sleeps he had since last night. He is only wearing a grey sweatshirt on top of his dark boxer. Scratching his head, Jihoon sighs and heads to the shower. Today’s going to be a long day.

***

Jihoon walks slowly to the restaurant. Ear stuffed with earphones. The road is busy with people trying to fit as much activities as they can with the remaining of Sunday. The sun is close to setting, but the sky is still bright and clear enough for people strolling with warm cups of coffee in hands and big smiles etched on their face.

Jihoon watches as people passes him, watching as most of them has someone else beside them. His eyes sometimes drawn to their linked hands, to their smiley faces. Jihoon has to shake his head when he imagines another face on their face. Another happy face, who still unexpectedly holds so much meaning to Jihoon, that might be holding someone else hand, looking at someone else’s happy face.

Jihoon quickens his pace, no longer looking up to people’s face. He watches the tip of shoes as it alternates between left and right below him, walking him to the direction of where he wanted to go. _One more corner_ , his mind has told him. Too focused on his shoes, Jihoon doesn’t realize when he turns at the corner of the street and hit something solid.

Jihoon looks up, staring at a black back pack. Jihoon steps back, ready to apologize to the owner of the backpack when he lost his words. The guy wears a black cap, dark grey hoodie, and tight jeans. Below the shadow of the cap, small eyes widen up as its sight fell upon Jihoon’s own surprised face. The roads around them keep bustling around with people. But, they seems to be stuck on each other’s stare, mouth can’t form any words to break the deafening silence. Jihoon clenches the edge of his shirt, his heart thumps frantically trying to rip his chest out.

“Jihoon…” the guy breaks the silence first. At his voice, Jihoon breaks his frozen state, eyes looking around them. They are in front of the restaurant, he can see the mop of his friends’ hair from where they are seating. “Jihoon.” This time, his voice sounds stronger, more assured. Jihoon can feel he is starting to breathe unevenly. He misses the way the other calls his name. His eyes burns, his vision blurring at the amount of water starting to gather on his eyelashes.

Jihoon turns around, attempting at running away, but the other has learned his moves. He grabs Jihoon wrist, pulls him firmly enough to make him turn around. Jihoon shakes the hand that is holding his hard almost hitting the other’s face. But, thanks to his reflex, the other lean back quick enough only for Jihoon’s hand to whack his cap away. It flies off the other’s head to reveal his dark locks. He quickly grabs both Jihoon’s wrists this time and hold him in place.

Jihoon eyes focused on the other’s contorting face. He is supporting a frown, eyebrows furrowed together, eyes squinted with concentration, lips angled down. “Jihoon, let’s not do this anymore,” he says softly.

“KWON SOONYOUNG!” a loud voice calls the other’s name, startling both of them. Never letting go of Jihoon’s wrists, they both turns around at the voice. Seungkwan is charging towards them from the restaurant’s door, face full of fury. Behind him, Vernon is chasing him, trying to stop his boyfriend.

Before they can even react or say anything, Seungkwan is in front of them, “YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” he screams in Soonyoung face, and in a quick motion, he grabs Soonyoung by his collar and Soonyoung’s face is met with Seungkwan’s fist.

Jihoon stands there shocked to his core. Soonyoung had released his grip on Jihoon’s wrists when Seungkwan charged towards them, he had pulled Jihoon behind his back when Seungkwan grabbed his collar and punched him.

Soonyoung staggers to the pavement below him. Fingers lightly touching his reddening cheek. His lip splits, causing blood dripping down his chin. Jihoon unconsciously reaches out the older, hands cautiously removing Soonyoung’s hair from his face, eyes watching how much damage Seungkwan’s punch has made.

“Before you decide everything by yourself you better ask!” Seungkwan huffs out. People around them starts whispering at their commotion. Vernon is bowing to the passer-by to let them go ahead with their business instead of watching their fight.

“This is my fucking boyfriend, you idiot!” Seungkwan pulls Vernon to his side. Their friends has followed them outside. Jihoon quickly scans their faces. Everyone is around, including Soonyoung’s friends. Everyone is looking at them worriedly.

At Seungkwan’s words, Soonyoung stutters, “W-what?”

“YES, YOU BUFFOON!” Seungkwan screams again. Vernon puts his arms around his boyfriend stopping him from throwing another punch to Soonyoung. “So don’t fucking tell me you hurt Jihoon-hyung just because you thought that we were dating!”

This time, it is Jihoon’s turns to shout. “What?!”

Jihoon turns his head to the stuttering man in front of him, “You thought I was dating Seungkwan?” Jihoon asks incredulously.

Before Soonyoung can say anything, Seungcheol interrupts, “Okay, guys. Shall we bring this inside? People are watching.”

***

They are in Chan’s room. Both are quiet as Jihoon nurse Soonyoung’s cut lip. Soonyoung’s grimaces as Jihoon puts ointment on his cut. Jihoon concentrates on the task at hand, not minding the way Soonyoung lips pout at his not-too-gentle touch. Once Jihoon put a band-aid on top of the cut, Jihoon reaches out for a plastic of ice behind him. Jisoo has put it on Chan’s bedside table, covering the plastic with a towel, Jihoon then press the towel to Soonyoung’s left cheek.

Jihoon is aware about the other’s stare. Their proximity also doesn’t help Jihoon’s thumping heart. Soonyoung doesn’t seem like he will talk any sooner, so Jihoon clears his throat.

“Okay, what is this about me dating Seungkwan?”

That snaps Soonyoung out of his trance. He starts looking around the room but Jihoon. He plays with the hem of his hoodie. “I, yeah, I thought, you were,” he slowly says.

“Like, what the fuck makes you think I was dating him?” Jihoon raises his voice. Soonyoung flinches.

“Well, you talked about him a lot,” Soonyoung whispers.

“I talked about him as much as I talked about my other friends.”

“You talked about him fondly,” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

But, Soonyoung is stubborn, “You let him touch you, hug you, and you smiled so fondly at him,”

“I let the others touch and hug me as long as it’s not too overboard. I didn’t smile fondly at him, I _smirk_ at him,”

“But, you flinched when I touched you,”

Jihoon sighs at Soonyoung’s words. “I..” Jihoon draws in a breath to calm his nerves, “I’m not used to you touching me,” Soonyoung face drops lower. “Because, my heart raced whenever you did,”

Jihoon holds his gaze on Soonyoung’s face. The older’s face visibly relaxes from his words.

 “You called him boo,” Soonyoung says as his hands reach for Jihoon’s hand on his face. Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“It’s because his name is Boo Seungkwan,” at that Soonyoung quickly grips Jihoon wrist and lowers both their hands.

“Seriously?”

“God, you’re so stupid.” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

Soonyoung is gaping at him. Eyes still widen in disbelief. “You’re not calling him boo because he is your boo? It’s because his name is Boo Seungkwan?”

“How can you not know my friends’ full name? After all the time we hanged out together?” Jihoon exasperated. Soonyoung looks down at their intertwined hands. Jihoon hasn’t realized how Soonyoung’s fingers has threaded along his, thumbs rubbing nervously against the back of Jihoon’s hands.

“I…” Soonyoung whispers, still looking down. “I thought he was your boyfriend since he called you when we first met,”

“Even then?”

Soonyoung looks up, he has a pout on his face. His eyes dims with regret. “He called you after midnight, even though he was screaming at you, you still smiled so fondly, and you called him boo. How am I not supposed to think that he was your boyfriend?”

“Because, if you weren’t there, and you didn’t help me with my song, you would see me threw a fit and refuse his call.” Jihoon answers. “You know how bad I was with pressure.”

Soonyoung looks at him only with regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ve been stupid.”

“You are,” Jihoon replies. “But, I’m also stupid, for letting you go just like that.” His mind flashes back to the time where he could chase him down, where he could hold him in his arms. Jihoon feels his heart clenches at the pain.

“You have that look again,” Soonyoung caress his cheek.

“What look?”

“Like you’re in pain and you wish it hurts you more,” Soonyoung softly says, his touch calming Jihoon nerves. “I’m here now, it’s all that matters.”

“Yeah, with a bruise on your cheek,” Jihoon touches the slowly darkening bruise on Soonyoung’s cheek. Soonyoung flinches as Jihoon’s touch hurt harder than he thought. “I’m sorry,”

“With the way he punch me, I really thought he was your boyfriend. I would want to punch me to,”

“You should be glad it’s not Jeonghan or Seungcheol,” Jihoon chuckles. Soonyoung grimaces.

“I can understand Seungcheol, but Jeonghan?”

“Yeah, Seungcheol will punch you too because you make Jeonghan punch you,” Soonyoung’s face contorts in pain as he imagines it.

“Please remind me to never mess with them,”

Jihoon chuckles. Soonyoung reaches for his hands again. This time, his grips are sure and full of assurance. A hint of nervousness is shadowing his eyes.

“So, are we fine?” Soonyoung asks softly. Jihoon looks at the nervous eyes in front of him. He watches the contour of his face, the subtly furrowed eyebrows, his small eyes, the mismatched colour of his cheeks, his nose, and his cut lips.

“Are we now?” Jihoon questions him back. Soonyoung shoulders slump.

“I…” Soonyoung gulps down the lump on his throat. “I know I hurt you, I have no excuse for that, I was stupid, I am still an idiot. But, I…” Soonyoung takes a deep breath. Jihoon feeling his own hands starts to sweat in Soonyoung’s hands. “The past year has been hell for me. I don’t want to go on another day without you,”

Jihoon feels his breath hitches at the confession. “Please, let me stay with you.”

Looking at Soonyoung’s eyes, Jihoon knows how much he regrets the past year, how sincere his feelings to Jihoon is. Jihoon would have say yes, if the door didn’t bang open with an annoyed Chan rambling, “It’s my birthday for fuck sake! I’m not letting you guys fuck around in my room while my parents are downstairs!” surprising them both.

Behind him, Jeonghan is crying, “My baby cuss so much! Where did my parenting go wrong?”

“Seriously, hyung? My actual parents are downstairs and you’re crying here now?”

“Okay, guys. Let’s get downstairs,” Seungcheol ushers the two down. “We’ll be waiting downstairs.” He says to the other two in the room, who starts looking at anything but each other.

After Seungcheol closes the door, silence fell upon them again. This time, Jihoon breaks it first, “Let’s go, they must be waiting,”

Soonyoung only looks at him dejectedly. He huffs a sigh before standing up. Jihoon watches as the older reaches for the door handle, opening it slightly before turning back to face Jihoon.

Jihoon uses this chance to grab onto the taller shoulders, standing on his tiptoes, Jihoon pecks Soonyoung cut lips, before giving him a sly smile, “We’ll see?” and Jihoon hops the stairs down leaving Soonyoung standing dumbfounded in front of Chan’s door, a dopey smile starts to blossom on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Last chapter! Thank you again for those reading and leaving kudos and comments <3  
> I love you, all~
> 
> Lyrics translation © colorcodedlyrics :)


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